100 things
1. Almost everyone who knows me thinks I'm very funny
2. I think I'm funny but I can't tell jokes.
3. I like cats better than dogs, but dogs are OK
4. I claim to be a punk rocker, but I don't dress the part
5. I used to curse a lot, then I never cursed at all, now I'm cursing a bit again
6. I read every day. I try to be always reading a novel but my interests and schedule don't allow that.
7. I'm painfully shy around strangers, but a goof ball around people I know. Even when I'm being serious I express myself in a humorous way. I can't help it.
8. Women around my own age frequently come to me for advice
9. I think I give pretty good advice
10. I like women more than men mostly
11. I'm silly and I can't help it
12. I've got some version of ADD, but am too old to do much about it now
13. I have an IQ just shy of genius level, but you'd never know it in casual conversation or by considering what I've done with my life.
14. I like to garden, but I'm no good at it.
15. I'd like nothing more than to fit in, but I don't. People who want to be different don't understand how much it hurts
16. I can charm the pants off most people if I'm in the mood and I'm comfortable with them. Because I can see all the way down into them through their eyes.
17. I like to cook experimentally and I am good at it because I have a basic understanding of how it all works
18. I'm a geek who used to play Dungeons and Dragons but now plays computer games but it embarrasses me so I don't talk about it much.
19. I've been writing things in fits and starts for most of my life. I still dream about being a novelist and a rock star
20. I am youngest of five. One of my brothers hates me, the other two don't think of me much. My sister and I are very close
21. I am comfortable with silence.
22. I like to camp and I am good at it
23. I can start a fire with one match and a small quantity of bacon grease.
24. I love to swim and am good at it despite my nearly completely sedentary job and life style
25. I could not leave my abode for weeks on end, but eventually that would depress me
26. I am depressed most of the time and have been all my adult life and I'm not sure why
27. I have lived with my current girlfriend for 7 years or more. She wants to get married and that scares me
28. I didn't lose my virginity till I was 18 and didn't have a pleasant sexual experience till I was 21.
29. I'm lousy at math, but I don't think I should be.
30. I remember most of what I read and can quote what interests me verbatim without effort.
31. I can sing a thousand songs, though not very well
32. I can quote dozens of poems, which seems to impress some people
33. My father is a collector of useless knowledge and so am I.
34. I hate to finish a really good novel . . . Especially the first time I've read it. It depresses me and makes me feel abandoned.
35. I always want to talk about good books I've just read so I make my GF read them too
36. I have taken to arguing about political since the most recent Iraq war. I'll be very happy when I can be politically apathetic again.
37. I have written poems and some of them are pretty good, but it is a useless unmarketable practice so now I concentrate on prose.
38. Russell Edson is one of the greatest living poets
39. Paul Westerberg, former front man for the Replacements, is the greatest living song writer. It astounds and saddens me that more people don't know that. His most recent album, Folker, rocks.
40. Everyone has always assumed my girl friends dominate me ( wear the pants in the family) because they all have had strong personalities. My girlfriends and I have always realized the opposite was true as I have a stronger, but perhaps infinitely subtle, personality.
41. Stupid shallow bigots assume I'm gay as do stupid shallow gay people. I'm not, but the assumption doesn't bother me too much as I consider the source. And if there is any sorting to be done I want to be with the cool kids.
42. I still miss my cat Knuckles who died two or three years ago. If I think about it too much I could cry, so I won't. Knuckles was a great cat -- I pulled him from the womb (almost literally).
43. I have a finely honed philosophy that begins with the assumption that human beings do the best they can, but sometimes (perhaps mostly) that isn't very good.
44. Most people aren't introspective enough if at all.
45. I am an excellent teacher when I'm in the zone. I excite students, entertain them, and even make them love me a little.
46. I am a lousy teacher when I'm not in the zone.
47. I am strangely not shy in front of a class of any size.
48. In recent years I've been able to extend this not shyness to public speaking
49. I love a handful of my (former) professors to a unhealthy extent. I stalk them via google.
50. I'm writing this list in an effort to keep up this blog . . . My third attempt at blogging.
51. My first blog turned out too private. I have a penchant for writing personal and embarrassing things
52. My second blog, meant be a work of fiction has petered out so far.
53. I can't really touch type. I think it is connected with my dsylexia, ADD or general perceptual cognitive disorders
54. I like to take pictures and do digital art projects, but am lazy about it.
55. My office art is 90% done by me. I'm especially fond of a trio of Warholesque Space monkeys that I made by scanning a photo of Ham from national geographics and photoshopping the crap out of it. I made the engineers who are leaning over him subtely demonic in deference to my fish out of water position as a 'art-fag' at an engineering college. Nobody has truly 'got them' yet though they are admired
56. I am currently reading V.S Naipaul's, "a bend in the river' and enjoying it. I will be sad when I finish it.
57. I have edited 300 page dissertations about computer engineering and, particularly, computer modeling and never understood a word of them. I was nevertheless able to correct a writer on a technical point solely from the context. That student assumed I was a computer engineer.
58. I do a lot of negative self talk and can't seem to break the habit. I advise myself to commit suicide every day, several times a day -- especially at night. Because of this, I don't listen to the voices in my head anymore.
59. I can't sleep at least one week day night per week worrying about work
60. I am quiet , the person in the office next to me is loud.
61. I sometimes maintain a candy dish on my desk solely to lure people into my office. I frequently want them to leave when this silly ploy works.
62. I'm an ass man and simply an ass sometimes.
63. I want to believe in God but I don't think I do. I none the less believe the order in the universe is not random (maybe)
64. I think people who are sure of things and their place in the universe are either dishonest or unsubtle.
65. People talk to me too much for my own good.
66. I break everything. I'm a very poor steward.
67. As I grow older my body is increasingly odd looking, but I was a beautiful young man.
68. My favorite movie is probably Magnolia. The best one I've seen recently is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind.
69. I failed first grade, forth grade and ninth grade, but my parents talked the school into passing me in forth grade. I dropped out of school after ninth grade.
70. I passed my oral comprehensive exams for my M.A. with distinction. My panel consisted of a rhetorician, a linguist, and a writing teacher. I think I made them all love me a little. Walking into the exam I assumed I'd fail and was prepared to schedule my retake
71. I taught myself HTML when it was still a tough thing to do.
72. I read all of Kurt Vonnegut's novels before I was 16. I reread them again at 25 and they were completely different. I reread them again in the past two years . .They were different again. I think 'Bluebeard' is his best work and will argue with you about it.
73. I often quote Vonnegut to good effect.
74. I have had 8 (possibly 9) women fall in love with me. Two said when we were breaking up that 'they couldn't breath' without me. I find the coincidence disturbing.
75. I myself have been in love 1o times
76. I don't remember my dreams very often. When I have dreams of people chasing me I am never alone and I ALWAYS feel responsible for and capable of saving those people who are with me.
77. As I grow older I sometimes can not remember whether I dreamt something or it really happened. I used to think people who made such claims were weird.
78. I'm pretty sure that I only dreamt of killing a girlfriend that I can't remember and burying her in my back yard. In any case, I got away with it.
79. I haven't maintained any friendships from my pre adult years even though I live in my parents old house.
80. More people know me from school and work than I actually remember, but I always remember whether I liked them or not.
81. My cat, Mister Grinch, comes when I call him, sometimes even like a puppy.
82. I am in a transitional hair cut phase. I style it a little differently everyday because I just can't decide. This bothers me.
83. I have an old ratty gray cardigan that belonged to Mr. Archer who lived across the street from me before he passed away. I wear that sweater at home any day it is cold enough. I think I look cool in it. I have had a similar sweater for 15 years. I currently have a nice Eddie Bauer Wool Cardigan that I wear every day at work when it is cold. I think I look cool in that one too.
84. I stole my father's blue-gray sweater vest when he retired. He stole it back but then gave it to me a few years ago . . It was too stretched out by that time to my everlasting disappointment.
85. I have briefly been in therapy three times in my life. I have been on anti depressants twice. I no longer trust or believe in them as the doctors who are proscribing are just guessing.
86. I was in therapy last year. My first session lasted four hours. I thought it was only an hour. I talked non stop and felt much better afterward. The subsequent sessions were unrewarding. The a last time I went I just BSed my way through it talking about 'the meaning of happiness' or something equally silly. I don't think the therapist knew I was being insincere. So I stopped going.
87. I sometimes get angry when participating in heated discussions on Web forums even though I know I shouldn't.
88. I usually only eat one meal per day, dinner, and drink one big cup of triple strength coffee. Most days this process makes me feel queasy but I don't do anything about it.
89. I drink 3 or 4 beers most nights. Sometimes if I'm angry or frustrated I drink a lot more.
90. I'm incapable of regulating myself when I drink liquor so I don't do it very much. When I do I drink Stoli's vodka on the rocks with beer as a chaser.
91. I fooled my primary school teachers into thinking I could read when I really couldn't. That caught up with me.
92. I got eyedrops in my eyes a few years ago that made it impossible to read for a few hours. I found that profoundly disturbing. I am frightened of losing my sight
93. My eyes get worse every time I go the the eye doctor. the last time I went the doctor cautioned against leaving the house without my contacts AND my glasses -- just in case.
94. I am frightened of insanity. Movies about maniacs scare me but movies about the supernatural normally don't. I secretly wish I were insane so I could give up.
95. A crazy old women who I prevented from stealing plug tobacco back when I worked as an all night stock clerk said the following to me: "you know what you are? You know what you are? You're just spirit. you come and you goes away." And I believed her.
97. Another crazy women while I was working evenings in the grocery store told me I'd make a 'good FBI agent' (she claimed to be in the FBI herself) When I got angry with her, and told her she was being stupid, she got angry right back and told me that "you could be in the FBI and not even know it!" I believed her and it still frightens me.
98. The same crazy women threatened to make me a pair of spiderman underoos out of a pair of her boyfriend's used underwear. That grossed me out.
99. I am melting and growing saggy man breasts.
100. All three of my brothers are bald and were bald before they got out of their 20's. Despite the I am 40 and still have all my hair they still occasionally claim that I'm going to go bald. My father has all of his hair.
1. Almost everyone who knows me thinks I'm very funny
2. I think I'm funny but I can't tell jokes.
3. I like cats better than dogs, but dogs are OK
4. I claim to be a punk rocker, but I don't dress the part
5. I used to curse a lot, then I never cursed at all, now I'm cursing a bit again
6. I read every day. I try to be always reading a novel but my interests and schedule don't allow that.
7. I'm painfully shy around strangers, but a goof ball around people I know. Even when I'm being serious I express myself in a humorous way. I can't help it.
8. Women around my own age frequently come to me for advice
9. I think I give pretty good advice
10. I like women more than men mostly
11. I'm silly and I can't help it
12. I've got some version of ADD, but am too old to do much about it now
13. I have an IQ just shy of genius level, but you'd never know it in casual conversation or by considering what I've done with my life.
14. I like to garden, but I'm no good at it.
15. I'd like nothing more than to fit in, but I don't. People who want to be different don't understand how much it hurts
16. I can charm the pants off most people if I'm in the mood and I'm comfortable with them. Because I can see all the way down into them through their eyes.
17. I like to cook experimentally and I am good at it because I have a basic understanding of how it all works
18. I'm a geek who used to play Dungeons and Dragons but now plays computer games but it embarrasses me so I don't talk about it much.
19. I've been writing things in fits and starts for most of my life. I still dream about being a novelist and a rock star
20. I am youngest of five. One of my brothers hates me, the other two don't think of me much. My sister and I are very close
21. I am comfortable with silence.
22. I like to camp and I am good at it
23. I can start a fire with one match and a small quantity of bacon grease.
24. I love to swim and am good at it despite my nearly completely sedentary job and life style
25. I could not leave my abode for weeks on end, but eventually that would depress me
26. I am depressed most of the time and have been all my adult life and I'm not sure why
27. I have lived with my current girlfriend for 7 years or more. She wants to get married and that scares me
28. I didn't lose my virginity till I was 18 and didn't have a pleasant sexual experience till I was 21.
29. I'm lousy at math, but I don't think I should be.
30. I remember most of what I read and can quote what interests me verbatim without effort.
31. I can sing a thousand songs, though not very well
32. I can quote dozens of poems, which seems to impress some people
33. My father is a collector of useless knowledge and so am I.
34. I hate to finish a really good novel . . . Especially the first time I've read it. It depresses me and makes me feel abandoned.
35. I always want to talk about good books I've just read so I make my GF read them too
36. I have taken to arguing about political since the most recent Iraq war. I'll be very happy when I can be politically apathetic again.
37. I have written poems and some of them are pretty good, but it is a useless unmarketable practice so now I concentrate on prose.
38. Russell Edson is one of the greatest living poets
39. Paul Westerberg, former front man for the Replacements, is the greatest living song writer. It astounds and saddens me that more people don't know that. His most recent album, Folker, rocks.
40. Everyone has always assumed my girl friends dominate me ( wear the pants in the family) because they all have had strong personalities. My girlfriends and I have always realized the opposite was true as I have a stronger, but perhaps infinitely subtle, personality.
41. Stupid shallow bigots assume I'm gay as do stupid shallow gay people. I'm not, but the assumption doesn't bother me too much as I consider the source. And if there is any sorting to be done I want to be with the cool kids.
42. I still miss my cat Knuckles who died two or three years ago. If I think about it too much I could cry, so I won't. Knuckles was a great cat -- I pulled him from the womb (almost literally).
43. I have a finely honed philosophy that begins with the assumption that human beings do the best they can, but sometimes (perhaps mostly) that isn't very good.
44. Most people aren't introspective enough if at all.
45. I am an excellent teacher when I'm in the zone. I excite students, entertain them, and even make them love me a little.
46. I am a lousy teacher when I'm not in the zone.
47. I am strangely not shy in front of a class of any size.
48. In recent years I've been able to extend this not shyness to public speaking
49. I love a handful of my (former) professors to a unhealthy extent. I stalk them via google.
50. I'm writing this list in an effort to keep up this blog . . . My third attempt at blogging.
51. My first blog turned out too private. I have a penchant for writing personal and embarrassing things
52. My second blog, meant be a work of fiction has petered out so far.
53. I can't really touch type. I think it is connected with my dsylexia, ADD or general perceptual cognitive disorders
54. I like to take pictures and do digital art projects, but am lazy about it.
55. My office art is 90% done by me. I'm especially fond of a trio of Warholesque Space monkeys that I made by scanning a photo of Ham from national geographics and photoshopping the crap out of it. I made the engineers who are leaning over him subtely demonic in deference to my fish out of water position as a 'art-fag' at an engineering college. Nobody has truly 'got them' yet though they are admired
56. I am currently reading V.S Naipaul's, "a bend in the river' and enjoying it. I will be sad when I finish it.
57. I have edited 300 page dissertations about computer engineering and, particularly, computer modeling and never understood a word of them. I was nevertheless able to correct a writer on a technical point solely from the context. That student assumed I was a computer engineer.
58. I do a lot of negative self talk and can't seem to break the habit. I advise myself to commit suicide every day, several times a day -- especially at night. Because of this, I don't listen to the voices in my head anymore.
59. I can't sleep at least one week day night per week worrying about work
60. I am quiet , the person in the office next to me is loud.
61. I sometimes maintain a candy dish on my desk solely to lure people into my office. I frequently want them to leave when this silly ploy works.
62. I'm an ass man and simply an ass sometimes.
63. I want to believe in God but I don't think I do. I none the less believe the order in the universe is not random (maybe)
64. I think people who are sure of things and their place in the universe are either dishonest or unsubtle.
65. People talk to me too much for my own good.
66. I break everything. I'm a very poor steward.
67. As I grow older my body is increasingly odd looking, but I was a beautiful young man.
68. My favorite movie is probably Magnolia. The best one I've seen recently is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind.
69. I failed first grade, forth grade and ninth grade, but my parents talked the school into passing me in forth grade. I dropped out of school after ninth grade.
70. I passed my oral comprehensive exams for my M.A. with distinction. My panel consisted of a rhetorician, a linguist, and a writing teacher. I think I made them all love me a little. Walking into the exam I assumed I'd fail and was prepared to schedule my retake
71. I taught myself HTML when it was still a tough thing to do.
72. I read all of Kurt Vonnegut's novels before I was 16. I reread them again at 25 and they were completely different. I reread them again in the past two years . .They were different again. I think 'Bluebeard' is his best work and will argue with you about it.
73. I often quote Vonnegut to good effect.
74. I have had 8 (possibly 9) women fall in love with me. Two said when we were breaking up that 'they couldn't breath' without me. I find the coincidence disturbing.
75. I myself have been in love 1o times
76. I don't remember my dreams very often. When I have dreams of people chasing me I am never alone and I ALWAYS feel responsible for and capable of saving those people who are with me.
77. As I grow older I sometimes can not remember whether I dreamt something or it really happened. I used to think people who made such claims were weird.
78. I'm pretty sure that I only dreamt of killing a girlfriend that I can't remember and burying her in my back yard. In any case, I got away with it.
79. I haven't maintained any friendships from my pre adult years even though I live in my parents old house.
80. More people know me from school and work than I actually remember, but I always remember whether I liked them or not.
81. My cat, Mister Grinch, comes when I call him, sometimes even like a puppy.
82. I am in a transitional hair cut phase. I style it a little differently everyday because I just can't decide. This bothers me.
83. I have an old ratty gray cardigan that belonged to Mr. Archer who lived across the street from me before he passed away. I wear that sweater at home any day it is cold enough. I think I look cool in it. I have had a similar sweater for 15 years. I currently have a nice Eddie Bauer Wool Cardigan that I wear every day at work when it is cold. I think I look cool in that one too.
84. I stole my father's blue-gray sweater vest when he retired. He stole it back but then gave it to me a few years ago . . It was too stretched out by that time to my everlasting disappointment.
85. I have briefly been in therapy three times in my life. I have been on anti depressants twice. I no longer trust or believe in them as the doctors who are proscribing are just guessing.
86. I was in therapy last year. My first session lasted four hours. I thought it was only an hour. I talked non stop and felt much better afterward. The subsequent sessions were unrewarding. The a last time I went I just BSed my way through it talking about 'the meaning of happiness' or something equally silly. I don't think the therapist knew I was being insincere. So I stopped going.
87. I sometimes get angry when participating in heated discussions on Web forums even though I know I shouldn't.
88. I usually only eat one meal per day, dinner, and drink one big cup of triple strength coffee. Most days this process makes me feel queasy but I don't do anything about it.
89. I drink 3 or 4 beers most nights. Sometimes if I'm angry or frustrated I drink a lot more.
90. I'm incapable of regulating myself when I drink liquor so I don't do it very much. When I do I drink Stoli's vodka on the rocks with beer as a chaser.
91. I fooled my primary school teachers into thinking I could read when I really couldn't. That caught up with me.
92. I got eyedrops in my eyes a few years ago that made it impossible to read for a few hours. I found that profoundly disturbing. I am frightened of losing my sight
93. My eyes get worse every time I go the the eye doctor. the last time I went the doctor cautioned against leaving the house without my contacts AND my glasses -- just in case.
94. I am frightened of insanity. Movies about maniacs scare me but movies about the supernatural normally don't. I secretly wish I were insane so I could give up.
95. A crazy old women who I prevented from stealing plug tobacco back when I worked as an all night stock clerk said the following to me: "you know what you are? You know what you are? You're just spirit. you come and you goes away." And I believed her.
97. Another crazy women while I was working evenings in the grocery store told me I'd make a 'good FBI agent' (she claimed to be in the FBI herself) When I got angry with her, and told her she was being stupid, she got angry right back and told me that "you could be in the FBI and not even know it!" I believed her and it still frightens me.
98. The same crazy women threatened to make me a pair of spiderman underoos out of a pair of her boyfriend's used underwear. That grossed me out.
99. I am melting and growing saggy man breasts.
100. All three of my brothers are bald and were bald before they got out of their 20's. Despite the I am 40 and still have all my hair they still occasionally claim that I'm going to go bald. My father has all of his hair.
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